By Alagbe Shenayon
I was watching a podcast titled 'How I Survived the Trauma of a Toxic Background and an Abusive Relationship,' where Apostle Femi Lazarus interviewed a woman about her experiences. I couldn't help but wonder how someone could endure such immense pain.
Pastor Joyce Meyer who I have respect for also shared her personal story, and her account of how her father sexually abuse her was truly jaw-dropping.
This article aims to share her experience and explore ways to heal from similar traumatic experiences.
I was sexually, mentally, emotionally, and verbally abused by my father as far back as I can remember until I left home at the age of 18. He did many terrible things, some which are too distasteful for me to talk about publicly. But I want to share my testimony because so many people have been hurt, and they need to realize that someone has made it through their struggles so they can have hope.
More than anything, I want you to know and really understand that anyone who has been abused can fully recover if they will give their life completely to Jesus.
What Does “Abuse” Mean?
Abuse is defined as “to be misused, used improperly or to be wasted; to use in such a way as to cause harm or damage; to be treated cruelly.” Any time we are misused or used for a purpose other than what God intended, it's damaging. And I realize many people can relate to this. For some of you reading this article, I'm just telling your story. You know what it's like to live with a terrible, shameful secret that is eating you alive.
My father was a mean, controlling and manipulative person for most of his life. He was unpredictable and unstable. As a result, the atmosphere of our home was super-charged with fear because you never knew if what you did would make him mad or not.
We always did what he wanted to do, when he wanted to do it. We watched what he wanted to watch on TV, went to bed when he went to bed, got up when he got up, and ate the meals he wanted us to eat...everything in our home was determined by his moods and what he wanted.
The sexual abuse started when I was very young, and when he decided I was mature enough, he took things even further. From this point until I was 18, he raped me at least once a week. My father, whom I was supposed to be able to trust and who was supposed to keep me safe, was the person I came to fear the most.
Feelings of Shame and Loneliness
I was so profoundly ashamed because of this. I was ashamed of me, and I was ashamed of my father and what he did. I was also constantly afraid. There was no place I ever felt safe growing up. I don't think we can even begin to imagine what kind of damage this does to a child.
At school I pretended I had a normal life, but I felt lonely all the time and different from everyone else. I never felt like I fit in, and I wasn't allowed to participate in after-school activities, go to sports events or parties or date boys. Many times I had to make up stories about why I couldn't do anything with my classmates. For so long I lived with pretense and lies.
What I learned about love was actually perversion. My father told me what he did to me was special and because he loved me. He said everything he did was good, but it had to be our secret because no one else would understand and it would cause problems in the family. It became my burden not to let my pain cause problems in our family. And as long as I kept this secret, I couldn't get free from the pain of it.
You may be wondering, Joyce, where was God in all of this? He was there. He didn't get me out of the situation when I was a child, but He did give me the strength to get through it. It's true my father abused me and didn't love and protect me the way he should have, and at times it seemed no one would ever help me and it would never end.
But God always had a plan for my life, and He has redeemed me. He has taken what Satan meant for harm and turned it into something good (Romans 8:28). He has taken away my shame and given me a double reward and recompense (Isaiah 61:7).
God Can Heal and Restore You
It may seem impossible, but God's truth has set me free from a life of pretense and lies and has restored my soul. I am living proof that nothing is too hard for God. And no matter what you've been through or how bad you hurt, there is hope!
That's why I'm telling my story. You need to know how good God is and that your struggle is worth it. If you will give your life to Christ and really trust God, you can be completely healed and restored so you can live the life Jesus died for you to have. Don't give up!
After going through Joyce Meyer's story, a podcast I watched, and listening to some people's stories, I came to the conclusion that Jesus can save anybody, and that includes you if you have a trauma that you cannot share with anyone. What seems impossible to man is possible to God. Do not allow the devil to tell you that you're worthless or that you are of no use.
I strongly believe that your life will become a reference point and source of inspiration to the lives of many.
If you have a personal story of trauma, abuse, or any difficult experience that you would like to share, we invite you to reach out to us. Your story has the power to inspire others and provide hope to those facing similar challenges. Please feel free to write to me at alagbeshenayon@gmail.com.
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